Wednesday, January 19, 2005

The Judge

This morning, Smartmom ran into The Judge at the Mojo Cafe. The Judge is another "old friend" who comes around every now and again. Too ofen by Smartmom's estimation. He's a good friend of Fun House Mirror and a sometime member of the Fear Gang. Smartmom has known him for more years than she cares to admit.

Smartmom never knows when The Judge is going to show up. He doesn't call in advance to say, "Hey, let's have dinner." or "Do you wanna grab a drink?" Then, at least, she could decline or take a raincheck. Nope. The Judge is very impromptu -- and persistent. He's got a way of showing up at the darndest times. And he's really hard to shake.

Take this morning, Smartmom was sitting in the Mojo drinking coffee with OSFO, who was was eating Frosted Flakes. SM ordered a toasted bagel with butter for Teen Spirit who was running a little late.

Everything was fine. Even the fact that Smartmom forgot her money was no big deal. The morning crew at the Mojo knows Smartmom well. She can always pay them later.

But then The Judge decided to join them for breakfast. He scoffed at OSFO's sugary breakfast: "She should be eating a hot breakfast at home, dontcha think?" said the Judge with contempt in his voice. When Teen Spirit came in, The Judge looked at his watch: "Isn't he supposed to be at school by now." Noticing that Teen Spirit was just wearing his leather jacket, no hat, no gloves he said: "That boy will catch his death of a cold if his parents don't insist on a down jacket.

And when The Judge got wind of the fact that Smartmom had no money to pay for breakfast he snapped: "Get your act together, Smartmom. You can't always depend on the kindness of strangers."

Smartmom made a quick get-away with OSFO and arrived at school on time. "We beat the clock," Smartmom said to OSFO as she waved good bye. Smartmom walked out of the school building feeling mildly triumphant and saw The Judge standing in the playground. He shook his head judgementally, "An earlier wake up would make all of this so much easier."

Smartmom headed down Seventh Avenue to her office checking her back to make sure The Judge wasn't following her. If she could just get him to leave her alone everything would be so much better.

3 Comments:

At 10:52 AM, Blogger brooklynfox said...

Don't know how The Judge could have been with you this morning. He (she?) has been with me all damn day. Careful, The Judge can suck the life out of you. Don't let that meanie near the kids.

 
At 2:05 PM, Blogger Savtadotty said...

This comment is addressed to The Judge:
Hi there! I know you. You're the one who follows me around too, and pushes me to do it better. The one who says: "99% isn't good enough, it's got to be 100%." And you know what? Sometimes you're right. You got me partway to where I am today. But, and here's the ToughLove part, we both know I'm the one who gets to decide when to listen to you and when to turn your volume to the Off setting! So there! Nyah nyah nyah!

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger Jhhl said...

The Judge should meet Aline Kominsky-Crumb's "Mr. Bunch".
They could smoke a few cigars and complain together.

 

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