Saturday, January 15, 2005

Jen and Brad

What hope is there for the institution of marriage if Jen and Brad are calling it quits? If those pillars of tabloid journalism can't live happily ever after who can.

The recent demise of Jen and Brad is causing Smartmom to re-think her own marriage. How can she and Hepcat keep-on-keeping-on if those "have-it-alls" can't figure out how to be happy.

In a recent issue of "People Magazine," there were literally dozens of photos of the picture-perfect couple. At the beach, the Oscars, the Emmys, those former lovebirds are always holding hands or hugging. They do seem to have chemistry, alright—and it looks like the real thing.

So what gives? Was the marriage just a charade or are those "friends" just fickle as hell? That's the big question for the gossip journalists to figure out. In the meantime, Smartmom is doing a lot of thinking about the ordinary realities of her own relationship.

The Smartmom marriage is a good one. But it is, by no means, glamorous. Yes, she and Hepcat are unstoppably commited, but they rarely go to awards ceremonies or fancy beach resorts. No. Their marriage is a symphony of daily errands and logistics, worries, and things to nag about. But this Jen and Brad-thing is forcing Smartmom to re-consider: should she accept her marriage as is or, like Brad and Jen, strive for something "better."

Yeah, yeah, Smartmom knows that marriage is about so much more than gorgeous bodies, fancy houses and romantic vacations. And yet, what would be so bad about gorgeous bodies, fancy houses and romantic vacations? Not only that. Smartmom wouldn't mind being spoiled in just one of the ways that Jen and Brad have spoiled each other:

--Brad filled Jen's "Friends" dressing room with thousands of white roses for her birthday.
--Jen planned a romantic weekend get-away for architecture-buff Brad in a Califronia Arts and Crafts house by Greene and Greene
--Brad helped design their multi-million dollar home with special attention to the master bathroom suite

Talk about ungrateful. Smartmom would be happy to get a dozen roses from the Korean market on Garfield Place this Valentine's Day. What is wrong with these two unbelievably shallow idiots?

Maybe they need to see what ordinary life is like. Then they'll go running back to their "People Magazine" lives.

For 24 hours, Jen and Brad should try living Smartmom and Hepcat's Brooklyn life: working a shift at the Park Slope Park Food Coop, waiting in line to use the bathroom in their one-bathroom apartment, listening to the radiator whistle in their tiny Third Street bedroom, spending an hour looking for a parking space. Just try it Jen and Brad. TRY IT!

Maybe if they spent a few hours in Smartmom and Hepcat's shoes, they'd realize what golden lives they have.

Here's what Smartmom knows: While her life with Hepcat may not be glamorous, their wedding vows are like Super Glue. Commitment is just another word for making it work one day at a time. She thanks God for small marital favors: Hepcat is never boring, he makes Smartmom laugh and he cooks one hell of a risotto. His unbelievably annoying qualities are only unbeliveably annoying about half the time.

Maybe Brad and Jen should try to be a little bit more boring and a little bit more annoying. Then they wouldn't be looking for something better. They'd know they'd had it all along.

5 Comments:

At 2:14 AM, Blogger Udge said...

Life is boring and annoying, and that's exactly what is so nice about it. Only people like J+B whose lives are not boring and annoying, need to get divorced.

I blame People Magazine itself, and the hundred-thousand others like it. I often suspect that these articles are completely scripted in an office somewhere, that J+B neither married nor lived together, that their mock-divorce will be a manufactured event as their mock-marriage was; that this is all a sour joke on us the public.

 
At 4:28 AM, Blogger red eft said...

I'm with udge here. I don't think the people mag J+B ARE the real J+B. That wonderful master bathroom B design must be a pain in the butt to clean, and if they like their privacy I'll bet they pick up their own towels and even swab out the commode now and then. Also, breaking up with someone because "I must have a child right now!!" feels false. I read OBKB rather than People because I'd rather read about the whistling radiator and the ca-ching of coins in that cool machine in Park Slope coop, and what funny tags are on the Swedish tchotchkes at IKEA. If glamor means enchantment (origin Scots, magic spell) then you and Hepcat are glamorous, SmartMom, and Brad and Jen and the rest of 'em are made of foam core.

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger mamainwaiting said...

I think it would be harder to stay married if you're rich, famous and have everything bcause, on many levels, marriage is a economic relationship. I agree with Udge and Elf (?). We really know nothing about what is real - perhaps nothing. Couldn't Brad have been Mr. Mom if he wanted a baby so much? Who can blame Jennifer for wanting to have a extradinary film career when she still can. Perhaps the idea of having a baby who doesn't know her and will eventually resent her for ignoring her doesn't appeal to her. Maybe she doesn't want to have a baby at all. I think what holds a lot of our marriages together are the desire to be married. The pleasure of sharing a life with someone else and feeling less alone in life. Of course one of the biggest deal breakers is if one person has different family goals than the other. This maybe what happened with B & J. Whatever. Thanks for the great piece.

 
At 7:57 AM, Blogger mamainwaiting said...

I think it would be harder to stay married if you're rich, famous and have everything bcause, on many levels, marriage is a economic relationship. I agree with Udge and Elf (?). We really know nothing about what is real - perhaps nothing. Couldn't Brad have been Mr. Mom if he wanted a baby so much? Who can blame Jennifer for wanting to have a extradinary film career when she still can. Perhaps the idea of having a baby who doesn't know her and will eventually resent her for ignoring her doesn't appeal to her. Maybe she doesn't want to have a baby at all. I think what holds a lot of our marriages together are the desire to be married. The pleasure of sharing a life with someone else and feeling less alone in life. Of course one of the biggest deal breakers is if one person has different family goals than the other. This maybe what happened with B & J. Whatever. Thanks for the great piece.

 
At 2:49 AM, Blogger Udge said...

"Swedish tchotchkes" - well said.

 

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