Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Ant Attack

There was a big ant attack this morning near the fireplace where the kids (Teen Spirit, OSFO and three cousins) ate their lunch yesterday. Hundreds maybe thousands of tiny ants on the Oriental rug, on American Girl Doll clothing, on jigsaw puzzle boxes.

Needless to say, ants are a big problem in this house. Apparently, it's always worse when Smartmom and Co. visit. This makes Smartmom feel very guilty - like it's her fault or something. Of course, Smartmom is known to blame everything on herself so why should the ants be an exception. Nu?

Maybe they like the way Smartmom and Co. smell. Or maybe it's all the candy from Teen Spirit and OSFO's stockings. Slobby kids? Whatever. The ants come out in droves whenever Smartmom, Hepcat, Teen Spirit and OSFO are down on the farm.

Oy, the guilt.

To make matters worse, Clever Grandma has to spend hours doing major ant extermination and prevention activities. Out comes the ant poison, two or three vacuum cleaners, cleaning soap, traps, alcohol. She does anything and everything to get rid of the ants.

And even when the place is spick and span those ants still manage to find places to be. Just yesterday they staged an attack under the sink in Clever Grandma's bathroom. The door of the cabinet looked like it was painted black in parts - that's how many ants there were.

These California ants are persistent little buggers. And they always come back for more. After a while you get kind of used to having them on your clothes, on the table cloth, on the floor. Last summer, Teen Spirt and Best Buddy, discovered that Best Buddy's deoderant made a teriffic ant killer. The kid's room reeked of deoderant. But hey, it was ant free.

Luckily, Teen Spirit and OSFO are not squeamish about ants - they're actually pretty matter of fact. "Ant attack, ant attack," they scream. No biggie for them. These city kids have a good deal of farm savvy now, which makes Smartmom proud.

Smartmom isn't squeamish about ants either. She does, however, hate roaches and waterbugs -- SICK, GROSS, GAG ME. And you'd think growing up on the Upper West Side of Manhattan she'd be really blase about roaches. But she ain't. She'll take ants over roaches anytime.

Ants are actually quite interesting to watch -- the way they work together and carry crumbs across the floor. Fascniating really. And pretty harmless.

Clever Grandma is obscessed with the annihilation of ants in her home and will stop at nothing. Who can blame her? This is an artful house filled with beautiful things. Ants have no business here.

Be gone, be gone ye ANTS.

Luckily, once the Brooklynites leave, the ants will go back to wherever they hang out when Smartmom and Co. go home. There will be less food around, no candy wrappers left on the floor, no crumbs from chips and Christmas cookies. It won't be much fun around here for those ants - ha ha ha.

But those ants will be back -- you can bank on that. The first week in August when Smartmom and Co. come for their annual summer vacation.

Yes indeed, the valley will ring with the voices of Brooklyn children screaming, "Ant attack, ant attack!" once more.


At 4:31 PM, Blogger brooklynfox said...

SM, I miss you but this blog helps. I would have lasted one day in the cold house. Ugh! I'm not the "pioneering" type. Not my thing. As you know, the Beverly Hills Hotel is my ideal. Take it from there. And the ants... jeez. Just don't bring any home! Come home soon so we can kibbitz in our warm, ant free, office. Love, RFJ


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